Eating pringles one at a time is like a delayed orgasm, just delays the fun.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Maverick Limerick
There was a boy called Plum
Who always looked very glum
His friends' asked him why
And he said with a teary eye
'Life is a major pain in the bum'
Plum wanted to commit suicide
But no matter how hard he tried
He ended up taking the wrong pills
Or jumping off very low window sills
At this rate he asked himself, 'Could he ever die?'
Until one very fine summer day,
As Plum was walking, On his way
He saw a beautiful woman, a terrific sight
And poor Plum couldn't sleep a wink at night
Until he decided he would convey what in his heart lay
So Plum decided he would tell her everything
About how he felt and he even bought her a ring
He waited patiently for hours together
Until finally she appeared, around the corner
And Plum's heart skipped a beat as he heard her sing
Plum ran up to her with great excitement
She watched him approach, with some astonishment
Plum told her he loved her more than his own life
Wouldn't she please be his loving wife?
And Plum offered the ring to her, extremely adamant
But she showed him another ring
From her first and only wedding
And it glistened on her finger
As Plum's hopes turned dimmer
And he ran away, hiding his tears and suffering
if you ever meet this chap called Plum
Be sure to ask him why he's so glum
He's changed his answer after his last experience
And he'll caution you to exercise prudence
'Cause a woman is a major pain in the bum'
Who always looked very glum
His friends' asked him why
And he said with a teary eye
'Life is a major pain in the bum'
Plum wanted to commit suicide
But no matter how hard he tried
He ended up taking the wrong pills
Or jumping off very low window sills
At this rate he asked himself, 'Could he ever die?'
Until one very fine summer day,
As Plum was walking, On his way
He saw a beautiful woman, a terrific sight
And poor Plum couldn't sleep a wink at night
Until he decided he would convey what in his heart lay
So Plum decided he would tell her everything
About how he felt and he even bought her a ring
He waited patiently for hours together
Until finally she appeared, around the corner
And Plum's heart skipped a beat as he heard her sing
Plum ran up to her with great excitement
She watched him approach, with some astonishment
Plum told her he loved her more than his own life
Wouldn't she please be his loving wife?
And Plum offered the ring to her, extremely adamant
But she showed him another ring
From her first and only wedding
And it glistened on her finger
As Plum's hopes turned dimmer
And he ran away, hiding his tears and suffering
if you ever meet this chap called Plum
Be sure to ask him why he's so glum
He's changed his answer after his last experience
And he'll caution you to exercise prudence
'Cause a woman is a major pain in the bum'
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Life - as we know it
I desperately want to write this poem
About my life, rather life in general
Peppered with brilliance but mostly sarcasm.
Let's give it a go, and hope its one of several
Meaningful things that I do on this planet
Enough with the intro, lets get started.
It all began quite smoothly,
I can't seem to recall the events of birth precisely,
Not the nurse who spanked me
Or the sight of my parents in that ward
But I was born, and gazed upon the world
But then things took off
Before I knew it I had memories
I could make sense of the planet
And it tried to make sense of me
I could interact with people and objects
And it was all extremely curious and fun
This curiosity soon wore off
As I entered my adolescence
Here I lost my innocence
A great loss, as mundane things would never interest
I only sought to impress
My friends, my peers
And toward this cause I rebelled,
To be different, to not accept
The world for what it was
Mostly this rebellion was to seek attention
To ensure that my existence was purposeful
A wish to lead a life of fruition
Where change could be possible
Alas! A weak rebellion, for I submitted myself to adulthood
And although several doubts throng my brain
About the meaning, the purpose of life
There is no intent to change,
And I seem to have surrendered
Even as I vaguely remember
The wonderful curiosity in childhood
And the overpowering exuberance of my adolescence
But I am overwhelmed with meaningless thoughts in my head
And before I know it I will be dead
About my life, rather life in general
Peppered with brilliance but mostly sarcasm.
Let's give it a go, and hope its one of several
Meaningful things that I do on this planet
Enough with the intro, lets get started.
It all began quite smoothly,
I can't seem to recall the events of birth precisely,
Not the nurse who spanked me
Or the sight of my parents in that ward
But I was born, and gazed upon the world
But then things took off
Before I knew it I had memories
I could make sense of the planet
And it tried to make sense of me
I could interact with people and objects
And it was all extremely curious and fun
This curiosity soon wore off
As I entered my adolescence
Here I lost my innocence
A great loss, as mundane things would never interest
I only sought to impress
My friends, my peers
And toward this cause I rebelled,
To be different, to not accept
The world for what it was
Mostly this rebellion was to seek attention
To ensure that my existence was purposeful
A wish to lead a life of fruition
Where change could be possible
Alas! A weak rebellion, for I submitted myself to adulthood
And although several doubts throng my brain
About the meaning, the purpose of life
There is no intent to change,
And I seem to have surrendered
Even as I vaguely remember
The wonderful curiosity in childhood
And the overpowering exuberance of my adolescence
But I am overwhelmed with meaningless thoughts in my head
And before I know it I will be dead
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Viking Country (_)
The fjords of Norway beckoned. And to all of you who intend on doing a trip to Europe, note that the Nordic countries get extremely cold post October. Entire lakes freeze and the fjords are closed post September 30.
Stockholm Syndrome :
We set off first to Sweden on our way to Norway. Stockholm was our stop. Stockholm is a commercial hub, but you don't get that feeling. I was blown away by how beautiful it is. It has vast fields with wild horses, long promenades, a fantastic river (Norrstrom) and an archipelago of maybe a thousand islands (could be more). I spent my time walking about, for most of the day. I think the pictures would do more justice than my writing.
I do recommend taking a walk to the TV Tower which is some way away from the main city. It gives a fantastic view of the city as well as the archipelago and it is something that needs to be seen. The walk itself is fantastic, as you pass by vast rolling fields with wild horses, beasts that looked absolutely majestic.
The Vasa Museum is not worth the money, although it does provide you with a stunning sight of a reconstructed ship that was lifted by a fleet of several other ships from the bottom of the ocean.
Another thing to do would be to take a cruise on the river between the many islands that dot the ocean.
Stockholm Syndrome :
We set off first to Sweden on our way to Norway. Stockholm was our stop. Stockholm is a commercial hub, but you don't get that feeling. I was blown away by how beautiful it is. It has vast fields with wild horses, long promenades, a fantastic river (Norrstrom) and an archipelago of maybe a thousand islands (could be more). I spent my time walking about, for most of the day. I think the pictures would do more justice than my writing.
I do recommend taking a walk to the TV Tower which is some way away from the main city. It gives a fantastic view of the city as well as the archipelago and it is something that needs to be seen. The walk itself is fantastic, as you pass by vast rolling fields with wild horses, beasts that looked absolutely majestic.
The Vasa Museum is not worth the money, although it does provide you with a stunning sight of a reconstructed ship that was lifted by a fleet of several other ships from the bottom of the ocean.
Another thing to do would be to take a cruise on the river between the many islands that dot the ocean.
 |
| Vasa Museum |
 |
| The TV Tower |
 |
 |
| Rainbow over Stockholm |
 |
| Country Roads, take me to the TV Tower |
 |
| Do they eat meat?? |
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Halfway across the world - 1
As I sit down to write this, I am stunned by what I have seen and experienced in the past two months. I do not know where to begin and how to describe what I have seen and felt in words, but I shall try. I must. More so for myself than for the interest of the general public, since lately I feel that I am losing most of my memory and as rightly pointed out by George Santayana, 'He who forgets the past is condemned to repeat it'. So I must write down my experiences, not for you, but for me. However, it is my sincere wish that my account paints as vivid a picture imaginable for the reader and that the account presented has some useful information for my fellow traveler. Here goes...
'People search far and wide to find themselves or find something, but sometimes the most important things can be found very close to home' - guide in Krakow
My journey starts off with a harrowed and hassled flight to Aarhus in Denmark. I think it is apt to introduce my friend with whom I began this journey. His name is RCR. More on him as we progress. So RCR and I get delayed at immigration at Helsinki, our stop-over to change flights to Aarhus and chaos ensues. What followed was a dash to the boarding gate, only to find a Japanese dude called Hung Yoo (or that's what I think he was called) also waiting in the wings, no pun intended, well actually, maybe it is. The three of us were told that we were to be put on a flight to Copenhagen and would have to then take a flight to Aarhus from Copenhagen. This set us back four hours and we reached Aarhus at 8PM with not an iota of where to go and what to do next, for, the idiots that we were, we had forgotten our address in Aarhus.
A few phone calls later and we were off to Ego Habvej by bus, to a friend's place. The only problem - this friend was out partying and would be back, hopefully, by 11PM.
Ego Habvej, a desolate place amidst the woods. Here we were, two brown men, one clad in a freakishly long overcoat, lugging our luggage up a lonely road surrounded by tall trees and moonlight. We frantically asked the Danes who passed by for help but it seemed like us being brown and in monkey caps and I repeat - a freakishly long overcoat- didn’t help us too much. The poor guys scurried away to safety,while a few completely ignored us.
Finally we decided to wait at the bus stop after managing to hit a nearby petrol pump for some food for the night. Some dinner! Two bananas, two candy bars, a packet of chips and a bottle of water to survive the cold night in an igloo shaped bus stop.Hardly my idea of the perfect start to a euro trip.But hey, this is what happens when you seek adventure, I suppose.
My friend did arrive though, and we were saved. For now...
And we're off!
A week flew by and we had settled in quite well only for us to move again. Our destination - Sweden and Norway, the Nordic countries.
After booking the hostels in Stockholm and Oslo, we were off to Copenhagen. My eurotrip hardly began as I had imagined, sitting in a luxurious bullet train. I was forced to sit near the door on the steps of the train as we hadn't reserved.
More soon...
The quintessential answer to that nagging question - 'How's Life?'
Life's unfair.
Many people say it's beautiful but that's really their outlook. I know several others who say that it sucks.
Hardly matters though, both sets will not get out alive.
In life only one thing is certain, change. Change is shiny and usually comes in circular metal pieces of varying denominations and gets you candy. And you can be absolutely certain about candy. Candy never sucks. You suck on candy.
People usually say that they know what they want to do with their lives. They give it a really cool word. Some call it 'focus', others call it 'ambition'. I call it a way to kill time by doing something that you think is worthwhile; that many others do not really care about.
There are others that seem to live for the benefit of others.Selfless. They do things to ensure that others' lives are better. Difficult for many though, because 'Greed' ensures that you waste your time on this planet by doing pointless things.
The saddest part about this article is that I can never get away with this answer for the question 'How's life?'. People don't have time to waste on my wit.
Like I said, 'Life's unfair'.
Many people say it's beautiful but that's really their outlook. I know several others who say that it sucks.
Hardly matters though, both sets will not get out alive.
In life only one thing is certain, change. Change is shiny and usually comes in circular metal pieces of varying denominations and gets you candy. And you can be absolutely certain about candy. Candy never sucks. You suck on candy.
People usually say that they know what they want to do with their lives. They give it a really cool word. Some call it 'focus', others call it 'ambition'. I call it a way to kill time by doing something that you think is worthwhile; that many others do not really care about.
There are others that seem to live for the benefit of others.Selfless. They do things to ensure that others' lives are better. Difficult for many though, because 'Greed' ensures that you waste your time on this planet by doing pointless things.
The saddest part about this article is that I can never get away with this answer for the question 'How's life?'. People don't have time to waste on my wit.
Like I said, 'Life's unfair'.
Dual Dangler
A guy at work takes a leak by throwing his tie over his shoulder. I hypothesised that this was only because he was so retarded that he gets confused what to hold and squeeze and coax when he has his tie dangling next to his weener.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Life, the universe and everything that has become clearer to me in cloudier environments
The topic is ambitious, but I am not.
I wish to pen down my learnings from life, my life, my modest 25 years of existence on this planet.
'Why do we exist?', I hear you ask. We just do. There is no greater meaning to our existence. It is pointless.
'Why do people struggle, then?'. Ah! This is where mankind is different and I must explain this in some detail.
Mankind works. And I mean this literally. I do not mean that in the same context as 'My computer works'. Mankind decides to go to work, usually for about 8-10 hours a day. With this human beings earn money. Money is coloured paper and the only thing that matters for the majority of them, because with money, you can live in luxury.
'So why do you need luxury?Isn't survival enough?'. Yes, a completely rational question. Animals survive. Mankind wants to exist in all its glory. Human beings live their lives trying to prove themselves to someone else. When you're growing up, you want to prove that you are a good student to your teachers, a good son to your parents and a good friend to your friends. When you finish your education you want a great job, because that shows the world that you've achieved something. At work you want to impress your boss, to show him that you're worthy of a promotion, worthy of responsibility. And so it goes on, endlessly, thankfully, not completely endlessly, because human beings and animals are similar in one aspect, they both die.
The human race thinks it's special. We believe we're here for a purpose. We are not. We are just here, like everything else.
While we're here, for that limited amount of time, it is absolutely essential for us to enjoy ourselves. Now, only you, who have chosen to work in an office for 8-12 hours a day, truly know whether you are 'enjoying' yourself and living your life.
Money is important, but it is important to enable you to do the things you love to do. There is no sense in saving for the future, because in the future you might not exist.
Work must be completely separate from life. Anyone who loves his job so much that he hasn't had time to see the world for all its simplicity and beauty, is wasting his life.
There is no such thing as a perfect job or a perfect career. A job is a compromise. Something you must do so that you can do the things you really want to do. Society has made it so. There hasn't been a single human born who knew exactly what he would like to do. As such, humans make decisions and ultimately those decisions result in vocations,jobs, careers, compromises.
'So what is life?' Life is a collection of experiences. The more diverse the set of experiences the more enriching life is.
Achievement is never for the self. An achievement can never stand alone, because it must have a benchmark, something that has been set by humans before you.
It makes no sense to 'achieve' anything. It is a dangerous state of mind to be in, because it becomes infinitely harder to exist in society in this state of mind. However, life becomes infinitely simpler.
This topic is ambitious. But I am not.
I wish to pen down my learnings from life, my life, my modest 25 years of existence on this planet.
'Why do we exist?', I hear you ask. We just do. There is no greater meaning to our existence. It is pointless.
'Why do people struggle, then?'. Ah! This is where mankind is different and I must explain this in some detail.
Mankind works. And I mean this literally. I do not mean that in the same context as 'My computer works'. Mankind decides to go to work, usually for about 8-10 hours a day. With this human beings earn money. Money is coloured paper and the only thing that matters for the majority of them, because with money, you can live in luxury.
'So why do you need luxury?Isn't survival enough?'. Yes, a completely rational question. Animals survive. Mankind wants to exist in all its glory. Human beings live their lives trying to prove themselves to someone else. When you're growing up, you want to prove that you are a good student to your teachers, a good son to your parents and a good friend to your friends. When you finish your education you want a great job, because that shows the world that you've achieved something. At work you want to impress your boss, to show him that you're worthy of a promotion, worthy of responsibility. And so it goes on, endlessly, thankfully, not completely endlessly, because human beings and animals are similar in one aspect, they both die.
The human race thinks it's special. We believe we're here for a purpose. We are not. We are just here, like everything else.
While we're here, for that limited amount of time, it is absolutely essential for us to enjoy ourselves. Now, only you, who have chosen to work in an office for 8-12 hours a day, truly know whether you are 'enjoying' yourself and living your life.
Money is important, but it is important to enable you to do the things you love to do. There is no sense in saving for the future, because in the future you might not exist.
Work must be completely separate from life. Anyone who loves his job so much that he hasn't had time to see the world for all its simplicity and beauty, is wasting his life.
There is no such thing as a perfect job or a perfect career. A job is a compromise. Something you must do so that you can do the things you really want to do. Society has made it so. There hasn't been a single human born who knew exactly what he would like to do. As such, humans make decisions and ultimately those decisions result in vocations,jobs, careers, compromises.
'So what is life?' Life is a collection of experiences. The more diverse the set of experiences the more enriching life is.
Achievement is never for the self. An achievement can never stand alone, because it must have a benchmark, something that has been set by humans before you.
It makes no sense to 'achieve' anything. It is a dangerous state of mind to be in, because it becomes infinitely harder to exist in society in this state of mind. However, life becomes infinitely simpler.
This topic is ambitious. But I am not.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Shitty Situation
I seem to get myself into quite a lot of embarrassing situations. I've been doing it ever since I was born so I seem to be quite good at it. You wouldn't (and shouldn't) put it past me to do something extremely stupid in a foreign land.
We were on a train from Denmark to Sweden when I found the urge to take a dump. Off I went scurrying to the loo. I shut the door behind me and settled down to do some 'downloading'. Five minutes into it and I hear a knocking at the door followed by some pushing. I think to myself that this must be some poor soul, really desperate to relieve himself. Not today, I say, not today. I shall enjoy this toilet till I am completely relieved, even if it means exhausting myself.
The pushing and knocking ceased and it was silence, except for the odd splashes of commode water. It was serene. It was bliss. I was thoroughly enjoying myself as you would expect from anyone who is taking an extreme dump.
I heard the knocking and pushing a second time, and this time it was harder and louder. Something told me that the door was going to budge. I would be exposed! Me! My manhood! I thought that I could reach out and prevent the door from opening by putting my hand against it. Alas, it wouldn't reach! So now, my one hand is reaching out desperately for the door, while the door is being pushed open. My other hand is helpless and one hand too less to pull up my boxers.
The door swings open. Its my roommate from my college in Denmark. Our eyes meet. My hand is still positioned like a traffic policeman saying 'Stop' to him. The atmosphere is tense. You could smell the tension in the air. Or maybe it was something else I was smelling.
There was little else to do but..... smile. So we did. He smiled at me and I back at him. I had been exposed. He shut the door behind him and left.
Now the door was open and anyone else could enter. I had to wrap things up. I wiped myself extremely quickly.
We haven't spoken about this incident since. But needless to say, I had successfully managed to put myself in an embarrassing situation and I seem to be the global idiot
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