On religion

Die-agnostic, cause you can never be too sure of anything

On death

Would like my tombstone to read 'The man who knew how to live but died too early'

On chips

Eating pringles one at a time is like a delayed orgasm, just delays the fun.

On Looks

They say looks shouldn't matter. They're right, mine shouldn't.

Maverick Limerick

There was a boy called Plum
Who always looked very glum
His friends' asked him why
And he said with a teary eye
'Life is a major pain in the bum'

Plum wanted to commit suicide
But no matter how hard he tried
He ended up taking the wrong pills
Or jumping off very low window sills
At this rate he asked himself, 'Could he ever die?'

Until one very fine summer day,
As Plum was walking, On his way
He saw a beautiful woman, a terrific sight
And poor Plum couldn't sleep a wink at night
Until he decided he would convey what in his heart lay

So Plum decided he would tell her everything
About how he felt and he even bought her a ring
He waited patiently for hours together
Until finally she appeared, around the corner
And Plum's heart skipped a beat as he heard her sing

Plum ran up to her with great excitement
She watched him approach, with some astonishment
Plum told her he loved her more than his own life
Wouldn't she please be his loving wife?
And Plum offered the ring to her, extremely adamant

But she showed him another ring
From her first and only wedding
And it glistened on her finger
As Plum's hopes turned dimmer
And he ran away, hiding his tears and suffering

if you ever meet this chap called Plum
Be sure to ask him why he's so glum
He's changed his answer after his last experience
And he'll caution you to exercise prudence
'Cause a woman is a major pain in the bum'