A dog's life

I walk ten feet and I smell the grass
Then I walk ten more and I smell someone's ass
Mmmmm, serious potential that lady dog has
Someday, oh someday I will make her my wife
It's a wonderful way to live a dog's life

You put me on a leash and you teach me to fetch
You give me weird names like 'Butch','Tex' and 'H'
I will have my revenge when you take me out the door
'Cause you'll have to pick up my smelly poo off the floor
It's a wonderful way to live a dog's life

I know how you think Im really stupid and dumb
The way I chase my own tail and pee on every stump
But I know now that you are really jealous of me
Because you've been trying hard to lick your own weewee
It's a wonderful way to live a dog's life x3

If there were to be a music video for the above, at this point a dog HAS to be shown scampering away from the camera, a white bushy dog, not too tall, with a bushy tail, and it scampers away as the video fades

Now I know what you're thinking
That's cause I moonlight as a psychic
The previous two lines had nothing to do with the above poem
Absolutely, completely, funny, hopefully and random.

Check'mate'

Life is like a game of chess
You have to think two moves ahead

Or so I thought

But really

Life is like a game of chess
All that matters is your queen.

Royal Ramble

On account of my addiction to nicotine which I so desperately wish to quash, I am writing. This. I have no idea about the topic or the theme, but more or less, this is mindless rambling. As I wax eloquent (or try my best to) it should be of great interest to you, the reader, how this turns out. Would there or could there be some sort of denouement to this collection of words?

The element of surprise is what spurs you on, I suppose, but I am as curious as you as to what the next sentence or the ultimate theme of this verbose documentary could be. The only thing spurring me on is my desperation to quit my addiction.

So, to begin with, I would like to draw your attention to our loss of instinct. Human beings have suffered, adapted and evolved by virtue of going through countless deaths and overcoming extremes. But during this glorious journey of ours as a race, I cannot help but accept that we have lost our basic instincts. Yes, Sharon Stone does come to mind. And as Julius Caesar once famously said of Sharon Stone's sexy leg-crossing scene in Basic Instinct - 'I came, I saw, I came'.

Julius Caesar - came urr..shame on you

But I digress. This should not really be a problem as there is no central theme to begin with.

For several human beings, survival is no longer in question. It is taken for granted. Given this scenario, the most primal instincts are bound to be weakened, if not defenestrated entirely from the species. Take for example, the following thought experiment - Richard Feynman comes to mind. A theory does not have to have a visual manifestation to be proven. This in itself is an extremely powerful declaration of the strength of the human mind. An experiment that proves wave - particle duality. Who would have thought? Richard Feynman, that's who.

Richard Feynman - Thinking

Burrp! I digest. This should not really be a problem as there is no physical contact with you.

So my thought experiment is to keep a boy and a girl, each in complete isolation from the world. They would be kept alive of course (death to them being pointless to the experiment). The idea would be to then bring them into contact with each other when they are adults. What then would be the consequence? Would carnal instinct take over? Or are human beings so programmed in society that they need to be taught about reproduction. I have no answer, as my thought experiment would remain exactly that, an experiment with my thoughts. Somehow, I do strongly believe that such isolation would teach us a whole lot about ourselves. In retrospect, I introspect among other things in isolation.

Blush! I have secrets. I do several other things in isolation.

We have a tendency to try and do our best to be accepted. I have reasons to believe that there is hardly any individualism left and we are moving towards a collective norm. All our opinions have been influenced by someone else. Do we say what we do because that is the singular thought in our minds or do we say what people want to hear? As the world gets more connected and the flow of information becomes seamless and almost instant, are we conditioned to say what we do in order to be accepted by society? Take for example, movie launches and the hoopla surrounding the launch of the recent Batman movie. Was the movie destined to be a hit even before launch? That then poses the question about whether anything is now quantifiable. How bad or how good is anything actually if there is a certain amount of prejudice already ingrained in our minds?

The Dark Knight- When I finish this pasta,THEN you have my permission to die

Deshi Deshi Bashara Bashara,

Spicy Chilli Penne Pasta

Would lead to severe bowel trauma

And I would yell for my mama

Oooh! Aaah! Real drama

Sigh! I regress. My poetry is not as good as it usually is.

The world has become increasingly social. So much so, that I sometimes cannot fathom which world we find more exciting, the virtual or the real. Is a ‘like’ on Facebook coveted more than a compliment in real life? Do you judge someone based on how many virtual friends they have or based on how many real friends they have? Everything anyone does nowadays is for mass acceptance in the virtual world. Your whole life is tracked and maintained online, shockingly and mostly by you, yourself.  

Alas! I depress. Atlas – a map and at last , the end.

Man of steel

I met a man in Lille
Who ate iron pellets for his mid day meal
He walked as fast as a rocket
And I thought I heard the change in his pocket
But he told me that wasn't money - he had balls of steel

On Cynicism

Co-existence is impossible for the eternal cynic. He only exists.

On religion

Die-agnostic, cause you can never be too sure of anything

On death

Would like my tombstone to read 'The man who knew how to live but died too early'

On chips

Eating pringles one at a time is like a delayed orgasm, just delays the fun.

On Looks

They say looks shouldn't matter. They're right, mine shouldn't.

Maverick Limerick

There was a boy called Plum
Who always looked very glum
His friends' asked him why
And he said with a teary eye
'Life is a major pain in the bum'

Plum wanted to commit suicide
But no matter how hard he tried
He ended up taking the wrong pills
Or jumping off very low window sills
At this rate he asked himself, 'Could he ever die?'

Until one very fine summer day,
As Plum was walking, On his way
He saw a beautiful woman, a terrific sight
And poor Plum couldn't sleep a wink at night
Until he decided he would convey what in his heart lay

So Plum decided he would tell her everything
About how he felt and he even bought her a ring
He waited patiently for hours together
Until finally she appeared, around the corner
And Plum's heart skipped a beat as he heard her sing

Plum ran up to her with great excitement
She watched him approach, with some astonishment
Plum told her he loved her more than his own life
Wouldn't she please be his loving wife?
And Plum offered the ring to her, extremely adamant

But she showed him another ring
From her first and only wedding
And it glistened on her finger
As Plum's hopes turned dimmer
And he ran away, hiding his tears and suffering

if you ever meet this chap called Plum
Be sure to ask him why he's so glum
He's changed his answer after his last experience
And he'll caution you to exercise prudence
'Cause a woman is a major pain in the bum'