Stereotypical South Indians

The men from Dosa Land!
Illads!
Mallus!
Madrasis!
They are tall,dark and handsome. Well, maybe not handsome. Well, if not tall, they are dark.Dark, for sure!
Everyone in south India knows how to make dosas and grinds dosa batter as an alternate means of living.
People worship Rajnikanth and nobody else in South India.
They can never speak good Hindi no matter how hard they try.
They sound and/or smell funny.
They pronounce the letter 'H' as 'Hechhhhh' and not 'Etch'.
In their attempt to speak Hindi they fail miserably simply because they do not wish to enunciate the aforementioned 'Hechhhhh' which results in stares from livid North Indians. Examples of such mispronunciations are rampant in the conversation below. Readers sensitive to Hindi mispronunciations must look away.


South Indian(SI): 'Chal ta hai kya, Gaatkopar'

Livid North Indian(NI): 'Gaatkopar!? Its Ghaatkopar'

Bewildered SI:'Yeah! That's what I said, Gaatkopar'

Tired NI: 'Ghhhaaatkopar,haa, enunciate the 'haa''

Confused SI : 'Gaaaaaaatkopar?!'

Aggrieved NI: 'Sigh! The air is not hitting my face from the 'haa', you've got to try harder.You must generate a greater wind speed but at the same time you must be in control of your saliva'

Enthusiastic SI: 'Let me practice this a few times. 'Haa', 'haaaaa'. OK! Here goes!
Gh..Ghaa....Gaaatkopar?!'

Frustrated NI: 'Oh! What's the use!'

Motivated SI : 'Arre! But mera Hindi improve ho raha hai'

Enraged NI: ' 'MERA???' It's Meri. Hindi is a stri ling'

Pensive SI: 'I dunno what's soo sterling about Hindi. I mean I can't even pronounce most of the words without breaking into a sweat'

Exhausted NI: 'He Bhagwan! Utha lo mujhe! Not sterling. Stree ling , feminine. Hindi is feminine and so you must say 'meri Hindi' and not mera Hindi'

Perplexed SI: 'Haiyyo! Who decides what is feminine and what is masculine? There must have been a committee involved!This Hindi is not at all for me, I say. You must learn the south Indian languages! There are hardly any grammatical complications. All it takes is some dexterity of the tongue and you are set. And they all sound so musical. Why, just the other day, I heard some one say some nasty things about my family in Tamil. But in retrospect it sounds so nice,almost melodious as compared to your 'Banjo' and 'Macho' abuses in Hindi.'

Also perplexed NI: 'Banjo??Macho?? Oh! You mean Bhen... Ok...Never mind!Lets go to freaking Gaatkopar.While we're at it we can also eat some 'bail' puri '

Now my friends, I am a self respecting south Indian and these stereotypes have hurt my elephantine ego several times. But I got to wondering why there isn't a stereotypical North Indian male? I have been giving it quite a lot of thought and below is the world premiere of the typical 'Northie' guy

The typical North Indian guy(TyNI guy) will praise his city more than any other city in the world.
TyNI cannot live in Chennai.
TyNI will try and weave his way out of tricky linguistic situations in South India or anywhere in the world by saying the following '{insert language here} illa'. This is well explained in the conversation below

'Wanakam to Tamil Nadu'
'Tamil illa'
Welcome to Tamil Nadu?'
'Tamil illa'
'I said that in English!'
'Tamil illa'
'Why do I get the feeling you don't want to talk to me?'

TyNI refers to every cool thing as 'maal'.Again I have sought to explain this by using extremely colourful and descriptive examples

In reference to a hot girl
'Kya maal hai!'
In reference to adult dvds
'Kya maal hai!'
In reference to things that can be smoked
'Kya maal hai!'

TyNI will use the word 'Abe'(pronounced a-bey as in obey with an 'a' instead of an 'o') in every sentence and will abuse someone/something invariably in every conversation by using the aforementioned 'Banjos' and 'Machos'
TyNI cannot survive without paraanthas and dal for a week.
TyNI always considers himself to be superior to the Madrasis/Illads/People from dosa land!

And finally TyNI will ensure that the Illad enunciates every Haaart-stopping Hhhhellish Hhhiindi 'haaa' when conversating with hhhhim!